The Louder Side of Life

So, now that we've almost been home a week, I'm thinkin' it's time to talk about our vacation. Each year we take our own little vacation, and we wanted to get one in before the baby came (and before it got too hot and me too big)! :)

When I was about 2, my parents divorced and my dad moved away. For the longest time I was so mad at my dad, didn't want to talk to him when he called, didn't even want to go visit him. (I think I was about 6 when we started visiting him for a month in the summers---and it killed me to be away from my mom). Although I loved my dad, for so long I harbored so much resentment towards him. My dad fought brain cancer for a few years, and when I was 14 he passed away. We flew to Oregon beforehand to be with him because we knew it wouldn't be long...and the day he died I had the opportunity to go in and visit with him one on one. The Lord gave me so much strength to tell my dad everything I was feeling, all the hurts I had towards him, all the unforgiveness, all the pain I felt he'd caused.

My dad wasn't able to talk or move, but by the end of our conversation he smiled, and I knew he'd heard me and forgiveness was there between us both. It still took me years to totally heal from the hurts, to heal from his death and losing my earthly father, and to come to a better understanding of the events that had already gone on in my young life.

I cannot express how much I grew to know God as my true Father. I remember many times growing up how I would cry and just yearn to be held in my father's lap, and I could literally feel God's arms around me, rocking me and telling me He loved me so much and that He was my ultimate Father. I truly knew the Father's heart and knew God as my true father, sometimes even addressing him in my prayers as "daddy''.

I am so thankful for the many men God placed in my life to step into a fatherly role, that I desperately needed, as a young girl. Men like my grandfathers, my uncles, men in our church, my brothers that looked out for me, etc. And when I was 15, my mom remarried a wonderful man. Of course, getting used to a new person in the house was hard and the adjustment took a bit. But my love and care for this man has truly grown, and I cannot express how blessed I am. Billy Max has truly become Dad to me. Many times, even as I'm now an adult, his small unconscious gestures have brought me to tears and made me realize the things I'd always yearned for as a little girl but never knew I was missing.

Today, I also celebrate Jantz. I cannot imagine where I'd be without him in my life. He has challenged me to grow in so many ways, has aided in my healing from past hurts and in seeing things in a light that has so helped me. He is going to be such a wonderful father, and I'm so excited God's given the opportunity! Happy Father's Day, Jantz. :)

Also, thank you, God, for being our true Father. We humans are imperfect and yucky sometimes, we all make mistakes, even our earthly dads who love us. But you, Father, are the ultimate Father! And thank you for my dad, Michael Eugene Flanigan (no, we're not naming our kid Eugene, sorry), for my now dad BM, for my grandfathers and many many other men who have played a fatherly role in my life. I'm forever grateful!