The Louder Side of Life

First, Mrs. Lewis, this story is at times grammatically incorrect, but I just couldn't slow down typing and it's too darn late to correct it all. :)  I know you'll love me anyway, right?!

So, I've heard it all my life, "God is more/most concerned about your heart."  I know this to be true, I know this from experience, but once again God is faithful to remind me.  I absolutely love looking back and seeing the pieces of the puzzle being put together, not the whole puzzle (cause that'd be my whole life), but sections of it. So exciting.
Yesterday, I ran a 5K race.  Me, Abby Flanigan Louder, a girl a lot of people that know me (at least those who've known me awhile) might say wouldn't or couldn't accomplish such a task.  Or if they wouldn't have said this, I believed it about myself because I always had that feeling from others and quite frankly felt it about myself.  I was never the quote "athletic" type.  Now that I look back, it was mainly because I was shy, curvy/chunky, partly just not athletically gifted-yes, and no one really took the initiative to help me in my weakness (except for one coach in high school who helped me go further in golf than I ever thought possible...that was refreshing, hard, exciting, and rewarding).  Anyway, of course this year I knew from the beginning was going to be one of facing and overcoming (with ONLY the Lord's help!) insecurities, fears, doubts, etc.  Becoming more of who God destined me to be, just me, Abby. Not anybody else.
From the beginning, it's being pounded into me. I'm so very thankful. I could name time after time after time that God's been helping me in this already.
Well, yesterday was once again another breaking day.  So, my goal was just to show up to the race and do the 1 mile walk. I could do that, simple, no problemo. Well, somehow I got signed up for the 5K run instead.  AND it was too stinkin cold for Maci and her little coughing self to be out in the weather, so she stayed in with PaPaw. I say all this to show you the "open door" that was presented me. Now I see it! Ha.
So, anyway, I decided what the heck, I could at least try, and by golley, I'd give it all I had!  Remind you, I hadn't been exercising much in these winter months.  Like I told my nurse the other day, I exercise when it's warm outside, now that I have Maci. It makes for a fun morning in the warm months when we get out together and stroll along.  So, back to the race, I started out with my sister-in-law Melissa, who thank the Lord started me at a good pace (unbeknownst to her)...if she hadn't been there, I'd have started way to fast and not been able to make it far.  Anywho, of course, she finished way ahead of me, but all that matters is that I ran the dadgum thing, and finished--still running, and was so stinkin excited and proud of myself. 
Now, I ran track in school.  But I was by no means a track star. Pretty much, I usually finished last or next to last, waaay behind everyone. I'm sure they already started the next race, I was so slow.  I figured out today I probably was running the wrong races anyway.
Okay, back to the point.  So, last night at church, Pastor Jackie talked about how Jesus delighted in writing in the dirt, and He wants to rewrite the dirt in our lives.  In being with Jantz all these years, I thought I'd faced and been healed of most if not all my past hurts.  He introduced me to the fact that our hurts can be healed! And that sometimes ya gotta really dig back to the root of the problem. (If ya knew me in my earlier years, I didn't dig or expose issues, I just pushed 'em under the rug.)  Honestly, I didn't know any better. 
Well, obviously I had not faced all the hurts I had, cause it hit me hard last night.  I realized I had words and thoughts and feelings I'd allowed myself to be affected by from others and myself, that I had been carrying this whole time.  They had to do with my lack of ability to do things because I "couldnt" run, jump, play ball,  as well as everybody else.  (Wait, I really can't jump, really. Haha.)  Anyway, I was the younger one that just followed around everybody else around. I was a good encourager. Still am.  But it's like yesterday, I was able to defeat something. I was able to accomplish something as who I am now!  Not who I was then, or who anybody said I was.  All that is gone.  I don't have to carry that.  I am me, Abby.  I have so many people who love me, who don't care at all about back then.  (I hate that however many years later that still controlled part of me...and many people it controls the rest of their life.  Ya know, "the good ole days" or what have ya.  I know these people. I pray they get release!)
I also realized something else. If my recent medical adventures had resulted differently, I wouldn't have been able to do this race.  If I hadn't gotten to run, I wouldn't have been open to see what I saw, and been able to allow the Lord to heal the hurts I had.  Now, see, God DOES have a plan and purpose for every single thing, and like I always say, His timing is absolutely perfect.  Wow, wow.  I'm just so thankful.  Thank you, God.  Thank you that it doesn't matter if ya win or how fast ya run, just that you keep going and don't give up.  Thank you for healing me.  Thank you that you care about the condition of my heart.  Thank you that all the other junk doesn't matter, the stuff we focus on.  Ugh!  Thank you that you love me soooo much, and that you've blessed me with so many people that love me.  Whew, I'm overwhelmed.  And very sore. Hehe.

Now, you reading this, I hope through my little testimony, the Lord is able to do something in your heart that may have needed to be done for a long long time. He loves you soooo much! And truly, He wants to make you WHOLE! 

Also, check out http://www.brynnessmiles.org/ and read about why I ran, and what you can do to make a difference.